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(no subject)
Nov. 3rd, 2009 | 05:40 am
mood: shitty bummed fuck you depressed
worst feeling ever is watching a best friend you've hung out with 4-7 days a week for over a month get handcuffed and taken back to prison
over fucking warrents coz hes on parolm
and it wouldnt have happened if some fat chick you know wasnt an argimentative bitch who your suppesed to trust and talks shit and then calls the cops when him and all the witnesses know he did something wrong
she got a ticket and has to go to court
but she deserves so much worse
but still
seeing that firsthand and seeing his mom and best friend bawling i can count the times ive cried since i got outta jail on less than one hand and tonight was one of them
fuck :/
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over fucking warrents coz hes on parolm
and it wouldnt have happened if some fat chick you know wasnt an argimentative bitch who your suppesed to trust and talks shit and then calls the cops when him and all the witnesses know he did something wrong
she got a ticket and has to go to court
but she deserves so much worse
but still
seeing that firsthand and seeing his mom and best friend bawling i can count the times ive cried since i got outta jail on less than one hand and tonight was one of them
fuck :/
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(no subject)
Nov. 1st, 2009 | 09:31 am
mood: sleepin
happy halloween!!
who woulda thought id meet someone who gRaduated from my old highschool in like 04 or something and lived in my old neighborhood were i grew up and knows all these people i did at a party in richardson
i love my fuckin life
and trashcan punch an kegz an juggalos givin me heiniken and of course whisky and an amazing girl who loves me sleepin in the next room cuz her parents love me.
best holiday i ever had
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who woulda thought id meet someone who gRaduated from my old highschool in like 04 or something and lived in my old neighborhood were i grew up and knows all these people i did at a party in richardson
i love my fuckin life
and trashcan punch an kegz an juggalos givin me heiniken and of course whisky and an amazing girl who loves me sleepin in the next room cuz her parents love me.
best holiday i ever had
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(no subject)
Oct. 29th, 2009 | 10:49 pm
mood: poopshitniggerdickdrunkpostzzz
grrrr drunk livejournal post!
ow8 everything ive done since the end of august haz been drunk
geez geez geeeeezzzzz
hard to believe no thanx fest punk camping was the most sober id been in a while.
BUT I GOT MA WHISKY MA BUDDIES AND MA N64 FUCK YOU
but chyeah hard to belive lookin at this time last year and this time this year im the same dood.
yeah im way more grown and handle life better now and im real happy but somethings missing. part of me would almost pick my life a year ago over how i am now
fuck feelin empty even tho you have a girl, badass friends and go to shows parties and get fucked up constantly
i need that one feeling back tho :/
O WELLZ I GOT SUM KENTUCKY DELUXXX TO TEND TO AND NO ONE READZ THIS SHIT ANYWAYZ
Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
ow8 everything ive done since the end of august haz been drunk
geez geez geeeeezzzzz
hard to believe no thanx fest punk camping was the most sober id been in a while.
BUT I GOT MA WHISKY MA BUDDIES AND MA N64 FUCK YOU
but chyeah hard to belive lookin at this time last year and this time this year im the same dood.
yeah im way more grown and handle life better now and im real happy but somethings missing. part of me would almost pick my life a year ago over how i am now
fuck feelin empty even tho you have a girl, badass friends and go to shows parties and get fucked up constantly
i need that one feeling back tho :/
O WELLZ I GOT SUM KENTUCKY DELUXXX TO TEND TO AND NO ONE READZ THIS SHIT ANYWAYZ
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.
Oct. 9th, 2009 | 07:49 am
i gotta take a shit
but only a little bit so imma hold it
it feels like ive drank more whisky than water the last few days
i love how 3 of us killing a handle in 40 minutes is just a warm up
i like how i didnt remember coming home last night when i woke up to go take my ged today
know i passed that bitch
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but only a little bit so imma hold it
it feels like ive drank more whisky than water the last few days
i love how 3 of us killing a handle in 40 minutes is just a warm up
i like how i didnt remember coming home last night when i woke up to go take my ged today
know i passed that bitch
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.
Jul. 26th, 2009 | 07:58 am
god damn i dunno what it is but i feel like a new person :D
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.
Jul. 26th, 2009 | 07:58 am
im really not used to having anything run so smoothly. even last night when things seemed so hopeless you still kept yer cool and helped me through my worst. i'm so greatful for you, for everything. i'm really dreading september now.
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.
Jul. 20th, 2009 | 09:00 pm
well that was unexpected. kinda awkward but in a nice way ahaha
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.
Jun. 26th, 2009 | 07:58 am
mood: 
optimistic
who woulda thought listening to 'cheer' almost everyday for half a year at least would make it come true. heh lifes better than a descendents song
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.
Jun. 10th, 2009 | 05:25 pm
Its just great when even on nights i don't drink i can still fall asleep warm inside and smiling. And 3 shows in the last 7 days? Summers gonna be good
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.
Jun. 10th, 2009 | 05:25 pm
Being drunk from when i woke up till i went to sleep for 5 days straight was great.
But like..
What do i do now? :|
But like..
What do i do now? :|
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:]
May. 30th, 2009 | 03:26 pm
nothing matters anymore
everything ive done and felt before doesnt matter anymore
live for today and the next one and nothing else
im happy
really happy
:]
everything ive done and felt before doesnt matter anymore
live for today and the next one and nothing else
im happy
really happy
:]
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(no subject)
May. 26th, 2009 | 03:39 pm
i've been keeping pretty positive recently
finally got all the info to get my ged sometime soon
having to move back to my parents cuz of the lease problem wasn't a total disaster
i mean at least they're paying for the test and everything
thats it tho and if things keep working in my favor i'll be out again
and this time it will be a willing thing not caused by some bs
idk
ive been listening to a lot of descendents and ataris and reading comic books this week
i feel like im in fuckin 7th grade again
hahaha what the fuck?!
i sound like a fucking little girl writing in her diary?
do i always sound like this when i post shit on here?
i should kick my ass Dx
finally got all the info to get my ged sometime soon
having to move back to my parents cuz of the lease problem wasn't a total disaster
i mean at least they're paying for the test and everything
thats it tho and if things keep working in my favor i'll be out again
and this time it will be a willing thing not caused by some bs
idk
ive been listening to a lot of descendents and ataris and reading comic books this week
i feel like im in fuckin 7th grade again
hahaha what the fuck?!
i sound like a fucking little girl writing in her diary?
do i always sound like this when i post shit on here?
i should kick my ass Dx
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(no subject)
May. 23rd, 2009 | 03:45 pm
i've never fiended for a cigarette like this before
i think its time to cut back a pack a day isn't that great
specially when your broke
i still get pissed at myself from time to time
idek how i could have lost my self so badly a year ago
but here i am still tryna put myself together
and why am i still so content with lonliness and apathetic to relationships?
am i scared of not being able to trust people anymore
i mean fuck why should i?
got no reason to
or just afraid loosing control of myself for a 2nd time
i'd never been pathetically attached to someone before and its definitely never happening again
specially cuz my trust issues ended up being the main reason for that
i dunno if people would shut up about that stuff i wouldn't care, wouldn't think about it
i could go on with what i want without worry go after what i want if i ever find anything
but i have too much baggage
idek my thoughts don't make no sense
glad i keep em to myself
i think its time to cut back a pack a day isn't that great
specially when your broke
i still get pissed at myself from time to time
idek how i could have lost my self so badly a year ago
but here i am still tryna put myself together
and why am i still so content with lonliness and apathetic to relationships?
am i scared of not being able to trust people anymore
i mean fuck why should i?
got no reason to
or just afraid loosing control of myself for a 2nd time
i'd never been pathetically attached to someone before and its definitely never happening again
specially cuz my trust issues ended up being the main reason for that
i dunno if people would shut up about that stuff i wouldn't care, wouldn't think about it
i could go on with what i want without worry go after what i want if i ever find anything
but i have too much baggage
idek my thoughts don't make no sense
glad i keep em to myself
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(no subject)
May. 16th, 2009 | 10:55 pm
last night was amazing
i love the feeling of being important and part of something
today went really well too
things keep looking up
i'm stoked for tomorrow
i love the feeling of being important and part of something
today went really well too
things keep looking up
i'm stoked for tomorrow
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(no subject)
May. 14th, 2009 | 10:39 am
so there's this story of a father who's son breaks his leg
and all the vilagers say "your son broke his leg, what bad luck"
but the father replies
"good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
then there's a war and all the young men in the village must fight
then there is a terrible battle and almost all the young men are killed
except for the man's son who couldn't fight because he broke his leg
so the villagers come up to the man and say
"what good luck, your son didn't have to fight and now he is alive!"
but the father replies
"good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
i don't even know
i'm running out of options
i have no idea what's going to happen to me
or where i'll even be a week from today
i just want to sleep
no dreaming no nightmares
nothing
just sleep
i don't even care when i wake up
i just need a break from the world
and all the vilagers say "your son broke his leg, what bad luck"
but the father replies
"good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
then there's a war and all the young men in the village must fight
then there is a terrible battle and almost all the young men are killed
except for the man's son who couldn't fight because he broke his leg
so the villagers come up to the man and say
"what good luck, your son didn't have to fight and now he is alive!"
but the father replies
"good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
i don't even know
i'm running out of options
i have no idea what's going to happen to me
or where i'll even be a week from today
i just want to sleep
no dreaming no nightmares
nothing
just sleep
i don't even care when i wake up
i just need a break from the world
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watching
May. 11th, 2009 | 04:44 pm
people can be so hard sometimes
seeing someone go through problems so similar to things i've been through
and seeing them acting how i did about them just hurts
one cuz i don't have what it takes to reach out and try to help them no matter how close we are
and
two cuz i know the mistakes i've made dealing with similar problems and of course its not till i've grown so much that i know how i could have handled my life better
and no this has nothing to do with the circumstances that ended up with me in county so stop thinking that
i dunno
this dude and i kept talking about latterman and the ergs and similar bands at the show last week
he asked me if i'd like to be in a band with him but of course my dumbass said i can't play anything
which i can't really but i've been wanting to pick up guitar again
and my voice is alright for that kind of music
but oh well another missed opportunity to give me more out of life
i can't even remember his name now anyways
supposed to make atleast $200 this week
that'll be nice
seeing someone go through problems so similar to things i've been through
and seeing them acting how i did about them just hurts
one cuz i don't have what it takes to reach out and try to help them no matter how close we are
and
two cuz i know the mistakes i've made dealing with similar problems and of course its not till i've grown so much that i know how i could have handled my life better
and no this has nothing to do with the circumstances that ended up with me in county so stop thinking that
i dunno
this dude and i kept talking about latterman and the ergs and similar bands at the show last week
he asked me if i'd like to be in a band with him but of course my dumbass said i can't play anything
which i can't really but i've been wanting to pick up guitar again
and my voice is alright for that kind of music
but oh well another missed opportunity to give me more out of life
i can't even remember his name now anyways
supposed to make atleast $200 this week
that'll be nice
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(no subject)
May. 7th, 2009 | 12:11 pm
12 hours of sleep
almost every night
and i still never have enough energy
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(no subject)
May. 1st, 2009 | 04:20 pm
I've spent so much time
imprisoned in my mind,
told to shut up and sit down,
to close my eyes.
I realize what you've done to me,
trying numbing me from the pain of the world.
It's everlasting,
it'll never go away,
it'll never change,
not today.
Even sheltered lives can't hide from not feeling alive
it's like throwing knives and my mind.
It's like stabbing out my eyes.
I mean every word that I spit,
it comes from the darkness of my mind.
It comes from the pain inside.
I feel it all the time.
Nothing will ever change,
you can't change the hatred that I feel.
That's a power of mine and I've realized I'm done decaying inside.
I want to see better days.
I want to see hope in things.
I want to see a different way,
to make the pain go away.
I'm taking my life back,
it's fucking mine.
I'm taking my life back,
it's mine.
imprisoned in my mind,
told to shut up and sit down,
to close my eyes.
I realize what you've done to me,
trying numbing me from the pain of the world.
It's everlasting,
it'll never go away,
it'll never change,
not today.
Even sheltered lives can't hide from not feeling alive
it's like throwing knives and my mind.
It's like stabbing out my eyes.
I mean every word that I spit,
it comes from the darkness of my mind.
It comes from the pain inside.
I feel it all the time.
Nothing will ever change,
you can't change the hatred that I feel.
That's a power of mine and I've realized I'm done decaying inside.
I want to see better days.
I want to see hope in things.
I want to see a different way,
to make the pain go away.
I'm taking my life back,
it's fucking mine.
I'm taking my life back,
it's mine.
I have found happiness in life. Not from any person or anything. just happiness like I've been wanting to feel for so long.
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i resist
Apr. 22nd, 2009 | 11:16 am
a lot
even saying "hi"
i'm pretty sure it's for the best tho
i don't like how people still tell me what to do or not to do about certain things
when i'm the only one with the smallest idea what i feel about it
and no one ever cares enough about me to really try to get in my head
but its cool i've gotten used to being emotionally isolated from the world
idek
even saying "hi"
i'm pretty sure it's for the best tho
i don't like how people still tell me what to do or not to do about certain things
when i'm the only one with the smallest idea what i feel about it
and no one ever cares enough about me to really try to get in my head
but its cool i've gotten used to being emotionally isolated from the world
idek
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what happened?
Apr. 17th, 2009 | 10:05 am
for the most part
i've been so happy finally
well fuck it not even happy
i've just been pretty content recently
but fuck who woulda thought one dream
the kind i havn't had since maybe january
could ruin this
after dreaming of you on monday night the rest of my week's been pretty rotten
like i woke up in a mix of emotions
fucking nostalgia and missing how thigns used to be
then a huge wave of guilt and anger at myself for even thinking about those things
then so much pain and frustration towards you
and even more pain and straight up hatred towards him
i fucking hate this
so much depression like i havn't felt in months out of no where
i hate thinking about all of this
i'd give so much to...
well, not really erase it all from my mind,
just make it so i could truly keep the memories suppressed like i had been for a while
and only bring them up when I want to think back
but whatever
i read this comic by Jeffrey Brown called "Little Things: A Memoir In Slices" a couple days ago
its a great book i'd tell anyone to pick it up
but in this one part the girl he's talking to said
"I don't think you ever really move on from someone..You just make room in your heart for new people."
well shit then I must have had some fucking
in glowing 7 inch letters on my chest for a good minute now
i wish i could find someone who made me want to move on again
but i've lost interest on every crush i've been getting
i don't even know anymore
things gotta get better
i mean they have before
this too will pass
i hope :|
i just feel so fucking pathetic for even letting these thoughts in my head anymore